Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
