I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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