she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
