The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
