my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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