I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
