Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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