You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
