he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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