Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
high people should be assigned attendants
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
