I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
