Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
