there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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