i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
