Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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