it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
