I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
