I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
