I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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