There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
