Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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