Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
