Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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