Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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