I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
