hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
