im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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