Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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