Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
