Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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