I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
