remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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