Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize