hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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