Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
