Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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