She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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