I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
