how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
