If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
