there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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