Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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