Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize