but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
