I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my shit smells like andre
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
