"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
