are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
