what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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