I just gift wrapped bread.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
