drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
