Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
