Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
