I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
