note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
