I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
