I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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