this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
