They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
