so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you made out with another girl for some wings
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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