Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
