**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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