I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
