I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
