Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize