i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
