It's Friday. Sex?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
