I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
