I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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