I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
