Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
