piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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